Avengers Gag Time
by Vanessa Masters
Summary: *Me and Tomas The Betrayer having chatted very much during the course of Tomas's Famous "Complex Designs" We now bring you wacky and hilarious misbehaviour, to celebrate the finish of The Story.    Vanessa belongs to Moi
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **

This idea was bubbling in me and Tomas's head for a while, now we've banned together to bring you, Chapters and Chapters of crazy and unbeliavable hilarity and weirdness.

Featuring

**The World of MARVEL! **_Echo, echo, echo..._

But mostly it focus's on The Avengers from "EARTH'S MIGHTIEST HERO'S" Cartoon.

Plus, Guest Star my OC Vanessa Masters, Sorceress Supreme and all around Wack-Job. Don't worry it good crazy, not bad like Sybil's Mother crazy.

Any Hoo- Some of this is Tomas The betrayer's Work and some is mine.

_No Copyright. _All the Characters belong to Stan Lee, Except Vanessa. **GET YOUR BITCH HANDS OFFF OF HER!**

**Enjoy the Show!**

* * *

><p>Having triumphed over Thor's wicked brother Loki, the Avengers were now being treated to the hospitality of Asgard. A grand celebration was held in Valhalla to show the thanks of a grateful realm, in which all the mortal heroes were heaped with glory and praised for their valor.<p>

However…

"It was an honor to fight beside you, warrior," Sif the Valkyrie stated to Henry Pym as she brought drinks for him and Janet Van Dyne. They watched the raucous festivities going on all around them.

"Well, thank you, Sif," he replied, accepting a goblet of mead. "Though don't take this the wrong way, but I hope we never have to again."

Far from being offended, the raven-haired goddess smiled. "Peace is always welcome, on that you will find no argument here. Your words show an appreciation for battle in all its aspects both fair and foul."

"That's m'man." Wasp slipped an arm through his, making Hank color slightly. "Isn't he ten different kinds of awesome?"

"Indeed he is," Sif laughed, turning away. Over her shoulder she added, "For a mortal," and walked off.

Giggling herself, Jan was surprised to see Henry now frowning just a tad. "Hank?" She hugged his arm tighter. "Everything okay?"

"Hm? Oh, yes. Well, I mean…" He then looked down at Janet, lowering his voice as he spoke. "Have you noticed how whenever they compliment us, they always add that qualifier? 'For a mortal'. I mean, at first I thought it was just tongue-in-cheek, but it happens _every time. _Could there be something to it I'm not getting?"

"Be not too offended by it," a voice spoke from below them, and both looked down to see Eitri the King of the Dwarves standing nearby with a mug of ale. His beetling brows and broad nose made him look to be grimacing, though there was a friendly glint to his diamond gaze. Noticing their questioning looks, he proceeded to explain. "Asgardians tend to hold other folk in low favor compared to their own race. This be not so much a matter of discourtesy towards you as it is… a lofty opinion of themselves."

"Well spoken, Eitri Dwarf-King!" Fandral the Dashing, one of the Warriors Three, declared brightly as he passed. Slapping the stout little man on the shoulder he bent in and stage-whispered, "For a dwarf!"

The handsome blonde then laughed uproariously. Both Avengers did not fail to notice how the dwarf's eyes narrowed, flicking down to regard the hand touching him with obvious distaste. Unaware of any perceived fault, Fandral wove his way drunkenly off. Eitri scowled after him, then noticed the humans watching, and drew himself up with a measure of regal dignity to affirm, "You grow accustomed to it after a while."

"Really?" Janet asked skeptically.

"No." And with that he left them there.

A low, mean laugh was heard. The heroic pair looked over to where Loki was bound and chained at the foot of Odin's throne. His clothes were spattered with hurled food and drink which even now continued to strike him, though he seemed to pay it no mind. Those glittering half-mad eyes held both the Avengers in their grip. "What?" he sneered. "You thought I turned on them because they were all so droll and kind? The average Asgardian is a condescending ox-headed _dolt! _They'll insult you to your face and then honestly expect you to thank them for it!"

"For once thou speakest the truth, Lie-Smith," Baldur the Brave boomed as he drew up to his humbled half-brother. "Mayhaps you have learned a lesson from your villainy. That is quite impressive… for a half-Giant!" He then upended his cup over Loki's head, causing the crowd of Asgardians to roar with approval. Baldur laughed and threw his cup at Loki before staggering back into the crowd, calling for more ale.

Janet and Henry were equally uncomfortable at this display. However, at that point Clint 'Hawkeye' Barton came up to them munching off a plate of unearthly delicacies. "Don't let it bother you," he advised in an easy voice. "These guys are just a little boisterous. They don't really mean anything by it. So relax and take it easy! That's what I recommend." With that he gave them a friendly wave and went to refill his drink.

One hour later…

"… for a MORTAL!" And all the Asgardians laughed.

For his part, Clint Barton was seeing red.

He stood in the midst of the reveling throngs. After hearing the exact same thing repeated nonstop with that same dopey grin for what must have been the thousandth time, he had to admit it was not quite so inoffensive as when they began. However, to his credit he had yet to lose his temper. It wouldn't do to start anything over such an admittedly minor point of contention.

"Friend Barton, you are not joining in the jocularity!" Tyr the One-Handed declared. "Mayhaps you would fain take some rest? No doubt you are tired after all your heroics."

"FOR A MORTAL!" Volstagg the Voluminous staggered and clutched Clint's shoulder for support, howling with mirth and spraying him with bits of chicken and bread. Gales of laughter followed this sweaty bellow.

At the center of this uproar, Hawkeye had clenched his wine goblet so hard he left indentations in the metal. That time didn't even make any _sense!_

"TYR, DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?" the fat man slobbered, almost in tears. "YOU SAID HE WAS TIRED, AND I SAID 'FOR A MORTAL'! DID YOU HEAR?"

"Aye, that I did!" Tyr slapped his partner on one meaty arm. "Volstagg, thou remains the veriest wit in all the Nine Realms!" Then they all started laughing again.

Clint Barton's eyes narrowed.

And then he smiled. A small, dangerous smile.

"Yeah," the Avenger said quietly. He could barely hear his own voice over the gales of merriment. "Yeah, that was really funny, Volstagg…" He glanced down, swirling the wine in his cup slowly, and pitched his next words a little higher. "… for an _Asgardian."_

Silence immediately descended on the entire hall. You could have heard a feather hit the floor in that deathly quiet.

Still smiling, Hawkeye took a drink.

Fifteen minutes later…

"HAH!" Hawkeye screamed, ducking beneath the prow of the flying Elven ship Skidbladnir as knives, spears and swords whistled overhead. He notched another arrow, shouting out over the edge, "Call that aiming? You guys suck… EVEN FOR ASGARDIANS!" and let his shaft fly. More frenzied howls followed this pronouncement, and the archer couldn't contain his wild laughter at the sound.

"Clint, what did you _say to them?"_ Iron Man screamed, firing his repulsors at the howling hordes of outraged immortals below before ducking down beside him. The other Avengers did their best to take cover as the Light Elves sought to escort them to safety. "I think you've done enough damage, don't you?"

"T'was worth it," King Eitri stood smiling happily gripping his axe right beside them. "Just to see the looks on their big dumb faces!"

"Oh, forget it!" Tony snapped. "Avengers… let's get the heck out of this crazy dimension!" And with that, the ship sailed on.

Meanwhile, Odin's throne room was in absolute pandemonium.

"Mighty Odin!" Baldur thundered. "We must take war to Midgard and cleanse our realm of this unforgivable shame! Never have mine ears heard such a… _vile _slander as has been perpetrated today!"

"I agree with you, Baldur the Brave," their white-haired warrior-king stated, a fire burning in his single eye. "But we cannot leave Asgard defenseless at this time!"

Right then, Loki spoke up from his position still shackled hand and foot. "Fellow Asgardians, I too share your ire at the outrage that has been permitted today! Therefore, I propose that you free me to watch over Asgard in your absence while you all take up our proud banners and put Midgard to the sword!"

"By thunder, that is an excellent idea!" Odin boomed. "I hereby free you, Loki! Guard Asgard well, my son!" With a wave of his hand, the Trickster God was released. The ancient deity then took up his spear. "Now, let us depart!"

The assembled mob shouted their approval and began to troop out. Loki called out encouragement, sidling back towards Odin's throne as he went. "Yes, that's it, my noble brothers! Go and avenge yourselves against the Avengers! Go on, that's it, easy does it there, don't trip, now! Plenty of havoc for all! Go, go, you mighty…!"

The last warrior exited, slamming the doors behind him.

"… buncha frickin' nimrods," Loki muttered, and left to go drain the Odin-Force once again.

* * *

><p>Piledriver sat on a couch in a mid-sized apartment. His gaze flickered down to one side, and he stiffened. Slowly his head shifted around. "Wrecker!" he whispered. "She's doing it again!"<p>

"Shaddap, Piledriver," his boss groused. "Act like an adult, will ya?"

The big hayseed criminal crossed his arms and proceeded to sulk moodily.

Meanwhile, sitting on his other side, little Katie Powers kept right on sticking her tongue out at him. After a suitable period of time she went back to sucking on her lollipop.

The four-man Wrecking Crew had taken up seats in the home of the Power Pack. With their parents out, the kids themselves were playing the duties of hosts, bringing snacks and drinks for their 'guests' before finding seats for themselves, whether it be on the arms of chairs or just plopping down on the floor. They weren't very picky. And besides, the person responsible for calling this gathering was clearly ready to begin.

"I'm so very pleased to welcome you all here today!" Spiderman giggled standing in the middle of the living room before them. He was dancing from one foot to the other, and his fingers wouldn't stop twitching. Every now and then, his left shoulder gave a spastic jerk before settling down again. To put it bluntly, he did not look well at all. "No doubt many of you have questions as to why I called this meeting! The answer is simple. We are…"

Here he stopped as a bout of furious giggling and head-bobbing overtook him. He began muttering to himself, the only distinguishable words being, "… cash…", "…burnt-up…" and "…Johnny Storm!" All the grown men cast speculative looks between them, while the kids just smiled like this was nothing out of the ordinary. They seemed to think this was a performance their erstwhile babysitter was putting on. As for the supervillains, they were starting to have some pretty severe doubts about this whole business.

"… going to start our own team!" Spiderman gasped as though that disturbing episode had not taken place. He clutched his hands together and laughed crazily before continuing. "You see, there are four of _you_…" here he pointed to the Wrecking Crew, "… and four of _you!" _Now at the Power Pack. "And when I realized that, it seemed so perfect I could just LAUGH!" He proceeded to do so, throwing back his head and sending out gales of insane laughter. Then he dropped back down, and his voice had gone very quiet. "Apart you are no great threat. But with me as your head, you eight will form the legs of… the _ARACH-KIDS!" _

Bulldozer perked up. "But we ain't k…"

Spiderman's head whipped around, and the metal-capped man went immediately silent. Satisfied, he proceeded to address his self-proclaimed team. "Now, pay attention, Arach-Kids!"

The Power Pack seized this moment to shout their approval of the new name in high childish voices. Flattered, Spiderman bowed to them. Thunderball took the opportunity to lean in and whisper to Wrecker in anxious tones, "This dude's outta his gourd!"

"I know." Their leader shook his head sadly. "What the heck did those Avengers _do _to him?"

Both clammed up when their crazed host began speaking once more.

"The purpose of our new organization…" more creepy giggling, "… is one thing and one thing only: to make us all rich! More money than we could ever possibly hope to spend! And this is how we are going to do it. Lights!"

At this cue, Jack and Alex Power flicked off the lights and pulled the blinds shut, plunging the room into semi-darkness. They then retook their seats while Julie Power shone a mix of rainbow colored luminescence from her hand through a transparent sheet on which someone had drawn in marker, the result being all those scratchings were magnified against the wall behind where Spiderman stood.

"Step One!" he whipped out a pointer and indicated up on the projection. "The Power Pack, disguised as Girl Scouts, will approach the home of one… _Henry Pym!" _There were indeed some crude images which might be Girl Scouts knocking on a door, and a man with horns, a tail, and angry eyes answering. "This horrible _evil _person, who actually DARED to insist I never ever SPEAK to Wasp about giving me money again, will answer the door, in all his wickedness. And when he does… BLAM! Step Two: the Wrecking Crew strikes!"

Now he directed their attention to a furious dirt cloud out of which emerged several fists and feet. The kids, along with Piledriver, were enraptured by this performance. The rest all cast identical nervous looks at each other.

"So then, once that AWFUL man has been ki… er, I mean, _captured, _the next step is the most crucial. Step THREE!" Spidey's pointer whacked soundly on a drawing clearly intended to represent himself. "I infiltrate his home and proceed to assume his identity!" An arrow went from the Spiderman drawing to one that looked like him wearing Henry Pym's helmet and surrounded by ants. "With a little getup I… borrowed… from my old buddy the Chameleon, I will make myself look just like that loathsome abominable man! I'm just as smart and scientifically gifted as he is, no one will be able to tell the difference! After which, Janet Van Dyne will fall madly in love with me! I marry the rich babe…" At this point they had to wait for him to stop jumping up and down and laughing uncontrollably before he continued. "…becoming wealthy myself in the process, after which, I can share my HONESTLY ACQUIRED fortune with the other members of the Arach-Kids! It's all perfectly legal and justified!"

Spiderman spun around to regard his cohorts. "What do you think? Brilliant, huh?"

"Wow, what a great idea, Spider!" Thunderball proclaimed. They all started clapping, and Spiderman took several bows. During this distraction the mace-wielding menace murmured to his boss, "We gotta get out of here."

"I know," Wrecker responded, "But we can't just leave these kids with him." They looked over to where the Power Pack had clustered around Spidey in innocent adulation. "Even we're not that bad!"

"So wadda we do?"

Both men took to scratching their chins, deep in thought, which was relatively uncharted territory for them. If only someone would appear to show them the way…

Right then, Ultron busted in through the ceiling.

The mad robot landed on the coffee table, splitting it in half from the impact. It turned its head one way, then another, but before any of the heroes or villains could come to a conclusion as to how best to proceed with this development, Ultron said, "Please excuse the intrusion, I could not help but overhear someone plotting the downfall of Henry Pym. Might I be allowed to partake in these proceedings?"

Cowering behind a fallen bookshelf, Spidey popped up. After jerking his head around in the manner of a curious rodent, he leapt over the obstruction and grabbed Ultron's hand, pumping it up and down in frenzied cheer. "Absolutely! The more the merrier, I say! You can be my second-in-command, your codename is 'Spider-Slayer'. Now, let me educate you as to our plans!"

"I am happy to learn."

The two lunatics then fell to plotting. While they were occupied, Wrecker caught the attention of his teammates and indicated with his head towards the door. They cautiously moved to the Power kids, miming for them to be quiet. Apparently the children thought this was another part of the game, so they consented to be led without any noise out of the apartment. Casting one final wary look back at the demented pair, Wrecker closed the door softly behind them.

* * *

><p>In the crispy weather morning, the sun rises in Good Old Potts...Uh..Latervia. Green Lightning strikes the ground, it's like a bunch of blocks forming together, revealing The Wasp, Ant Man, Hawkeye and a Dark haired, Violet eyed, Busty and gorgeous woman of about medium height.<p>

This woman is Vanessa Masters, a Sorceress Supreme and new Member of the Avengers. She joined up after Janet freed her, from her 400 year imprisonment, allowing her to repell the Skrulls, Kree and seriously annoy Iron Man. Which is why Hank and Clint Barton were taken with her, but...her time imprisoned seemed...to have affected her Mental Health.

But despite her eccentric behavior and scathing insults to Tony, she has been a major help to them all.

"Why are we doing this again?"

Vanessa turned, seeing as how it would be cold as always in Latervia, V, cast a warmth spell on all of them to avoid bulky clothes, so everyone is in their regular clothes. Vanessa, in a black sweater and jeans, sighs and rolls her eyes but, shakes her head smiling at Hawkeye.

"What's your problem now, Clint?" Hank said, shuffling the backpack, he's carrying containing his and Janet's items they would need.

"Beside the fact, we're going to visit the Country's Number ONE." Clint says, looking very unhappy with his location. "Evil Sorcerer/Mad Scientist, Tyrant, Psycho in the World!"

"No, he asked because he's sarcastic." Vanessa mocked. "OF COURSE that's your problem!"

Vanessa huffs, picking up her bottomless purse from the ground, swinging around to walk away a few steps. Turning around to look at Clint, sad like at him.

"That's everyone's problem!" Waving her hands dramatic. The fact that everyone hates Victor seems to be the reason I could only ask you three to accompany me!"

Janet flies forward, zapping Clint in the back of his head, then resuming human size to hug her in compassion.

"We understand, thou why you chose to pick now to visit, Dr. Doom." Janet sighs, grinning her teeth uncomfortably. "But you were right, we need to get our minds off of Ulfie."

"Thou why visiting a Dictator is supposed to cheer us up. We won't ask." Clint mutter, arms crossed.

"Because." Vanessa said, pushing Janet to the ground, making her squeak in alarm at being shoved. "I was engaged to Victor for a period of 11 months, at the end of which he stood me up at the Altar to try and siphon Zeus's powers into himself."

Janet and Hank look at each other, hank having helped Janet up when she was shoved, and looked back at Vanessa.

"Annnnnnd, we're visiting him to get revenge on him?" Hank asked warily.

"No!" Vanessa scoffed, leaning to the side so far, she had to be levitating, with a carefree grin on her face. "I got my revenge on him a long time ago, why do you think he wears that mask?"

Clint's eyes bulged at this and he looks from V, and the couple fast.

"You scarred his face!" Clint blurted out.

"Again, 'NO!' Vanessa floated over and landed next to Clint. "I Superglued the mask to his face, should have come off a while ago but, Victor has had a flair for the dramatic."

"Obviously." Janet quiped.

"But. We still are on good terms and his helping the Mutants has encourage me to come pay him a cordial visit." Vanessa then folded her hands behind her back, balancing on her heels, teeth barred in embarrassment. "Also, I may have Super glued Maria Hill to her Toilet Seat."

*Back at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters*

"FIND HER! I WANT HER BEATEN AND INTERROGATED WITHIN A INCH HOF HER IMMORTAL LIFE!" Maria Hill barked at SHIELD Soliders. Running about to fufill her demmands, The Director stuck to the toilet, brought into the SHIELD front Computer room.

*Back In Latervia*

The gang walk toward town, where a Large ominous castle looms over the town, and Haweye has his arm across Vanessa's shoulders in amiable manner.

"You are alright with this, right?" Vanessa looked at Clint. "Janet and Hank are good with it, because Hank is a intelligent man and Janet's friend is a member of Latervia."

Clints head drooped before looking up smiling.

"Yeah, I can understand a guy can be disliked by everyone else for his past. I'd be a hypocrite to deny you a chance to visit him, plus someone's got to keep a eye on you, girly" He hugs her. "And I was the only one who wouldn't totally freak on you."

"And I have those pics of you and Black Widow." Vanessa said, straight faced.

Clint winces stumbling a bit, but continues to walk beside her arm still around her thou a little looser now.

"I gotta admit. You have a way with taking pictures unseen." Clint remarked, a dry laugh escaping him.

"Hey I just did it to get back at, Romanova." Vanessa said, hands held up in defense. "Since no one remembers my days as Iron Maiden. You just got caught in the crossfire, while wearing a dog collar and black briefs."

"Mmmmmmm-Yeah." Clint muttered. "I'd prefer we'd not talk about it."

"Okay, you do ten more favours and I burn the pics and negatives."

"Deal." Clint shook her hand.

The gang stop coming upon a big billboard, the local Welcome sign for the Village. The words "Relax" Highlighted in blood red and framed by snakes with skulls in the corner. The gang tilt their heads at the curious sign, lifting their heads before shaking their heads.

"That's got to be the least relaxing sign I ever seen." Hank stated, saying out loud what everyone thought. Vanessa turned toward him.

"What about the one at the barbershop that says, "Low Fatality Rate since 1999"?"

"I stand corrected." Hank winces.

Hawkeye rubs his head, before gesturing at the billboard.

"What the Hell, attracted you to this Fruit-Loop in the first place!"

She shrugs. "I don't know, his debonair manner, his love for old Medieval Art, his science skills, talent with Magic, which is almost as good as mine." Vanessa sighs, recalling pleasant memories with Doom. "He's also a great robotic's scientist." She shrugs again, smiling. "He has his Doombots I have my harkoss's."

The harkoss, being White slim robots that Vanessa invented, being interested in the science Hank exposed her too. They had what she called "Ghost Tech" that allowed them to go intangible and turn invisible. They could be linked with Vanessa, but were able to work on their own, created for Speed, Stealth, Agility and efficiency. Outfitted with various weapons like blades, saws, chakrams, acid spray and laser guns.

"I recall." Hank muttered, arms folded and frowning. "You tried to blast me with Cannon Harkoss for making Ultron."

"ONCE!" Vanessa held up a finger. "And I apologized..."

"Not to mention, you and Doom have another thing in common." Janet said, a teasing glint in her eyes. She had shrunk to buzz up to inspect the "Relax" sign and looked down at them. "You've both attempted to kill the Human torch loads of times."

Vanessa pouts, hurling a harmless "Tantrum" energy ball at Wasp, who laughs quickly ducking it.

"That is different. I was cold, it was Winter, he told me he can go super nova hot." Looks frustrated. "How was I to Know, he couldn't generate heat fast enough to survive me sucking it up!"

Hank decided to play the calm level head in the group.

"Okay, let's forget about this and just go visit him." Hank trudged forward, muttering under his breath. "Let's just hope it doesn't end in a international disaster."

Vanessa just brushes off Hank's comment, lips pursed as she walks toward the Castle. Clint and Wasp following up from the rear.

Walking thru the Village, everyone in the group got strange stares, no more then Vanessa when she snapped her fingers. Making a large herd of geese appear honking and flapping at everyone.

"V!" Janet scolded, dodging the Geese by turning small. Thou was quickly having to hide in the woman's long black hair, to avoid being eaten by the geese at insect size.

"Oh, that's just to get, Doom, Darlings attention." V, said, brushing some feathers off her when the geese disappeared.

"Well, I think it worked." Clint said, pointing to the squad of Doom-bots marching toward them.

"Identify yourself and explain, the reason for this scene." The first Doom-bot said in a mechanical voice.

"Vanessa Masters, here to see Victor Von Doom." Vanessa said, arms crossed looking all cool as a cucumber.

"Accessing: Priority Fifty-one, if said subject were to arrive alert Doom. Then bring subject immediately to the Master." The Robot said, turning to V,'s comrades it powers up its lasers. Followed by the other robots. "You however, will be destroyed."

"Ahh, Great!" Hawkeye snapped, pulling out his bow. But before he can cock an arrow, Vanessa steps in front of them, causing the Doom-Bots to power down.

"Hey!" She snapped, pointing a figner to herself. "I won;t come with you, unlees they can come as well."

The Bot was silent for a while, like it was pondering what it should do, then it stepped to the side and gestured with a claw.

"Please. Come this way, miss Masters". You and your companions will be escorted to the Throne Room of Doom.

V, turned to the others and made a gesture with her head in the direction of the castle.

"Well?" She said. "You heard the Tin Man come one!"

Giggling a tad crazy, Vanessa follows the robots and Hank, Hawkeye and Janet just sigh before following after the woman and the robots.

* * *

><p>What will be Victor's response! Will He rekindle his love? Will He Attack them! Will He Dance The Hula?<p>

**Vanessa: **More likely no...

WELL STAY TUNED#%! For Chapter Two!

This is set 11 months after Tomas the Betrayer Fic "Complex Designs" .net/u/1816376/Tomas_the_Betrayer


	2. Chapter 2

Escorted up toward the Castle, the group find themselves before a pair of very black doors. A Doombot turns to address them.

"Please proceed down the corridor." The Doombot, whether it was the same one before was hard to tell, explained.

Vanessa took a deep breath and looked at the others, Hank and Janet nod back at her, while Clint gives her a easy going smile. Before they proceed thru the door, which opened automatically, as they walked thru it the doors instantly closed.

"Statment: Doombot No.919, would it have not been imperative to deactivate the Death traps first?" A lone Doombot spoke out loud. Its brother turned to it with an expressionless, not face.

"Ours is not to question Doom, his orders were to immediatly send her to him as stated." The Bot spoke. Thinking highly of his self, for following the orders, straight away without question.

"Statement: Did you inform the Master, She was coming?" The Bot spoke, causing Bot 919 to look over at it quickly. "For the Master, may not be favorable to her dying before meeting her."

A pregnant pause filled the air, before Doombot 919 spoke.

"Declaration: 'SHHHIIIITTT!' The High Pitched expletive, rang loud and clear in the hallway.

"Did you hear that?"

Hank, Vanessa and Janet looked back at Hawkeye, who had stopped looking around cursiously at the walls.

"Hear what?" Hank asked.

"I don't know...a loud Swear?' Clint offered, shrugging.

"It was probbaly a village woman, learning that Doom forbid birth control." Vanessa stated, walking around a corner non-plussed.

The others looked at herm perplexed by her unusual statment. But before they could say anything, Vanessa's scream cut them off.

"AHHHH!"

"V! Vanessa! Miss Masters!"

The Three hero's rushed forward, shouting out Vanessa's name running around the corner after her. But quickly stopped into the air to advoid falling into the large hole in front of them in the floor. Hank quickly growing giant, feet planted on both sides of the trap, grabbing Clint as Janet shrunk and flew above it.

"Vanessa? Vanessa!" Clint called, leaning over in Hank's fist to see if he could spy Vanessa. "VANESSA!"

"What?"

Looking over they see Vanessa, looking briefly at them before looking back at a painting hanging over on the wall beside the trap-door.

"I..Didn't you fall into the trap?" Clint asked, placed down by Hank who shrunk.

Janet grows and walks over to Vanessa, who shakes her head in mortification, before looking at the two men.

"I easily levitated over that. It's...this Painting!" She says, gesturing outward at the fore mentioned Painting.

The gang look at the painting.

"Yikes." Is all can be said by Janet.

The painting is large, looming and covering the entire space of the wall, it's a velvet painting of said Miss Masters. She's featured on the painting, dressed in a golden dress, hair pulled up into a bun, with a pearl studded hairnet. Holding a fan in one hand, a locket in the other and.

"Well, that's not creepy at all." Clint said, grimacing at the exaggeration of V, in painting.

"Oh, my god." Vanessa moaned, face palming.

"I know, this is a bit..." Janet started saying.

"AWFUL! I can't believe he used that painting! I hate what I look like in gold, well he's just going to have to take it down, if he wants me to stay here for a visit."

Vanessa stopped her tirade, and trying to pull the painting by Hank stopping her and Janet calling out.

"Whoah. Whoah." Janet waved her hands, making V, look at her in confusion. "That's, what's got you upset? The fact it's a painting of you in a gold dress, not that he's got a large painting of you just hanging around?"

"Pfft!" Vanessa scoffed. "Please. He's always been dramatic, I've told you that already, actually it's very touching." She smiles looking at the painting fondly now. "No, I never would have thought he'd keep a painting of me, but the fact he has it up, means he still cares."

Vanessa sighs, affected positively by this apparent romantic gesture, and dazed a little walks away from it toward Clint.

"So, chances are, he still doesn't know i'm here." She waves her hand, towards the door in loop motion. "Otherwise the Death Traps would be deactivated."

"Doesn't that tell you we should leave?" Hank says.

"NO!" Vanessa whirls her head toward Hank.

"Well come one V, this is tad dangerous." Clint argued.

"You have your arrows and I can just as easily cast a magical force field over you wimps." Vanessa points her finger in the direction of the door. "So, Move it!"

"She could be right." Hank mentioned to Janet, as the headed thru the next set of doors. "I mean there can't be that many Death Traps left. Can there?"

* * *

><p>"Yes."<p>

"No."

"YES!"

"Why should I?" Pepper Potts, secretary to Tony Stark, demanded from her boss. Trying to make herself be heard over the crying of the baby on her Desk.

I should explain, Former Call Girl/Villian/Now Call Girl & Villian, **Black Mamba**, had become pregnant with Tony Stark's child and sued for maternity checks. Which she now received weekly, but she had left her son, Matty Siels, with his daddy. Who was now trying to pawn him off on Miss Potts.

"Because, Janet and Hank aren't here and neither is V." Tony empahsized. "Hank and Janet are pratically already parents, just without the kids."

"And Vanessa?" Pepper asked, a eyebrow raised in intrigement at his reason for wanting her to babysit.

"Well, she's like an Alchoholic Single mother."

"VANESSA IS NOT A ALCHOHOLIC!" Pepper shouted, standing up abrutly from her chair. Startling little Matty to cry even worse, who seemed to be ignored at this point. "And Way to Call the Kettle '**Black**'!"

"Well, what would you call her stint with the Absinthe?" Tony replied, arms crossed in defiance to Pepper's "_Sober Logic_."

"Stress result of being your business partner?" She smirked. Then frowned looking at the baby with a frown on her face. "What on Earth is wrong with him!"

Tony winces, one hand behind his back, he makes a tiny pinching gesture with his fingers.

"He may have a tiny bit of a hangover."

"Wha...YOU ASS! YOU GAVE HIM LIQUOR!" Pepper yelled, picking up the baby and moving away from Tony in horrified shock.

"Well I didn't _Give it _to him." Tony tried to defend.

Pepper scoffed at him, dipping a hankerchief into a emergency bottle of Scotch she keeps in her desk. In case Tony was passed out on top of his desk.

"Ass." Pepper murmured, letting the poor boy suck on the end of the rag. Which proceeded to calm the little tyke down.

"See!" Tony cried out, gesturing at the child. "He freakin loves the stuff!"

Pepper sighs, rolling her eyes. A terrific health care and 50,000 dollars every six months being the only reason she stuck around.

"Your own _Beer-soaked_ apple from the _Gin-Soaked _Tree." Pepper muttered.

"You've been hanging around Vanessa too much." Tony said.

"At least she manages to keep out of insane predicaments!" Pepper scolded.

* * *

><p>The Doors of the Throne Room, as seen inside the throne room, shake and rattle as large bangs erupt from the otherside.<p>

**BANG! SWOOSH! BOOM! Fire Crackles!**

**"**JANET WATCH OUT!"

"CLINT BEHIND YOU!"

"I'll be okay, just get to that Door!"

"_**VICTOOOOOOOORRRRRR!"**_

_*CRASH!*_

The doors are destroyed as a figure crashes thru them. A very frazzled scorched Vanessa, Hank, Janet and Clint are seen standing in the door way. Hair messed and ripped, clothes torn, black smudged and panting. Vanessa was seen, holding on a bars metal frame most likely the part of a cage that must have fell on her. But she had ripped it off and used it to barge thru the doors, before hurling it to the side.

"Well, I've filled my quota for Death Traps this week." Clint gasped, leaning on his bow for support. Before a healing spell washed over him cast by Vanessa.

"Who The Hell has a tank of Sharks with Laser Eyes!" Janet shrieked. Desperatly trying to comb her hair straight with fingers. "It boggles the mind!"

"And cuts thru flesh...Oooh!" Hank winced, tapping his leg that had been blasted with a laser. Sighing with relief when it was healed by V. "Thanks, Vanessa."

"Your welcome, Hakase." Vanessa said, slipping into japanese. "Waaaah! Wakata. Now this can be over..."

The gang looked around to really scope out the throne room, very Gothic in sense with Drapes over the windows, marble floor, black marble throne...THAT HAD NO ONE IN IT!

"HE'S NOT EVEN HERE?" Vanessa Screamed, falling to her knees in disbelief. " I DON'T BELIEVE IT!"

Looking forward at the throne a Note was attached. "Went to buy rights to new Spider-Man Vs Fantastic Four Video. Back in 15."

Miss Masters eye was rapidly twitching. Hank and Clint come up to pat her on the shoulders.

"I wonder what Video he's talking about?" Hank asked, looking upward curious.

Janet is tapping a few buttons before coming up to V, holding up her I-Phone.

"I think I know what Video he's talking about." Janet said, holding the phone for V, to see. On the screen is Spider-Man attacking the Fantastic Four.

* * *

><p>When Doom returned from his trip to the Copyright People, he found out from his Doombots that his, Former bride to be, was in his Throne Room with friends. And that the Death Traps hadn't been deactivated, after blowing them up he switched off the traps and rushed for the Throne Room. Threw open the doors and...<p>

"Ahahahahahahahaha!" Hank Pym, Janet Van Dyne, Clint Barton and his Lovely Lady Vanessa, rolling on the floor laughing their heads off.

Rasing a brow, thou it couldn't be seen behind his mask, he looked at Vanessa's lright hand which tightly held onto a vid. Looking closer he discovered it was the Video, he just bought the rights to. A Chuckle burst from his lips, before he joined them in laughter. Later when they regained composure, Doom treated them all to Dinner and a free 4 weeks stay at his Castle.

* * *

><p><strong>So, if you enjoy please review. This is a Co-Work between me and Tomas the Betrayer. ENJOY!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

_**This first part is done by Tomas The Betrayer. The rest is my own humor work :D **_

_**No Copyright. **_

_**Characters property of Marvel and Stan**_** Lee.**

* * *

><p>Having just returned from fighting the Green Goblin at the charity fundraiser, Janet Van Dyne flopped on her couch with a groan. "Well, that could have gone better, don't you think, Ulfie?"<p>

"Yes, Miss Van Dyne." The robot was busy angling the blinds so the moonlight shone into her apartment.

"I mean, what a disaster!" she huffed. "I thought the worst we could get was a bunch of protesters from Times Square camping out in the lobby. Not that green goofball and his flying exhaust pipe!"

"It was most inconvenient." Ultron agreed as he lit some candles, placing them on the coffee table.

Wasp leaned back and flung an arm over her brow. "And all on top of Henry forgetting about our date! Who does that guy think he is? I could do a lot better than him, you know!"

"Indeed I do." There came the sound of a cork popping, followed by a soft gurgling as champagne flowed into two long fluted glasses.

"I should show him who's boss. Really put the screws to him! Thanks." She accepted the proffered glass of bubbly before continuing her rant. "I mean, I control his finances! One word from me, and he's out on the street! You'd think that would at least get his attention, but oh, no, not _him!"_

"He does not appreciate what a wonderful person you are." The smoldering subterranean tones of Barry White came out of the stereo speakers. Satisfied, Ultron turned away from the entertainment system and picked up a bouquet of long-stemmed roses that just happened to be on the table.

Not noticing this, Wasp took another swallow of champagne. "As if! I swear, sometimes I think he can't even remember my name. He doesn't put any effort into our relationship. You know last Valentine's Day he actually got me roses, of all things?"

In a flash the bouquet went sailing out the window. There was the sound of a cat screeching loudly; car horns blared, followed by a loud crash. "How utterly jejune," the robot scoffed.

"Darn straight!" Janet raised her glass in agreement and took a quick gulp. "Okay, it's decided, I'm through with Henry Pym! This gal is available once more, and ready to hit the singles scene!"

"That is wonderful, Miss Van Dyne." Ultron sat on the couch beside her, draping an arm over the back of the couch and holding his own glass. "You know, I have always felt that you and I understand each other very well. It would not take much imagination to see us entering into a more intimate relationship which involves…"

At that the door of the apartment flung open and Henry Pym came striding in. "Hey, everybody!"

"Hank, you're home!" Wasp brightened immediately. "I missed you so much!"

Ultron clenched his fist, the glass shattering.

Ant Man laughed as he hung his lab coat on a hook. "Whew! What a day, I am beat! Science waits for no man!" He crossed to the couch and flopped down on it between Jan and Ultron, pushing the robot off to one side. Hank grabbed Janet's glass and took a swig. "So, how was your day, Fran?"

"Jan," she corrected him, and then gave a syrupy sweet smile. Her eyes were now little throbbing hearts. "Well, Ulfie saved me from…"

"Yes, that's fascinating. Now back to me…" Henry then seemed to notice the android behind him. "Oh, hello, Ultron-5! Didn't notice you there. Say, could you go make us some dinner? Run down to the docks while you're at it and pick up some fresh Atlantic salmon, I've got a craving for it."

Ultron sat stock still for a while, red optics narrowing dangerously. "Of course, Doctor Pym." His voice was nearly a growl as he stood up and went striding off.

"Good robot. So glad I made it!" He turned his attention back to Wasp who continued to gaze at him in utmost devotion. "Anyway, as I was saying, I was working in the lab late one night, when my eyes beheld an eerie site, as my monster from his slab began to rise and…" Hank paused, snapping his fingers. "Slab! That's right, I could also stand for a good slab of beef! Say, Ultron-5, would you…?"

He glanced over his shoulder, to find the robot standing behind him raising a fire axe over its head.

"What are you doing, Ultron-5?" Pym asked, blinking curiously.

The robot remained in that position for a few seconds, then slowly lowered the axe. "… Nothing."

Henry's face screwed up in a frown, then lit up. "Of course, that's a wonderful idea! Go chop some firewood so Jan and I can enjoy a lovely firelight supper." He turned away, waving an idle hand over his shoulder. "Run along now, there's a good mechanism."

Ultron stalked off, still gripping the axe with a murderous glint in his eyes. Some poor innocent tree would die horribly and in much pain that night, oh yes it would.

"Hank," Janet said, looking just a bit troubled, "I can't be certain, but… I think Ultron was about to axe-murder you."

"Hm? Oh, yes, this is a new sweater, thank you for noticing! Now, back to my research…"

"No, I… Oh, never mind, it's not important!" All of Janet's troubles soon evaporated as she became lost in the soothing litany of experimentation and control groups.

* * *

><p><em>It's the ending of a Avengers Meeting, as Vanessa manager of the Avengers Various Criteria, rounds it up. Apart from her and Iron Man. Thor, Hawkeye, Hank, Janet, Deadpool and Storm are the current members assembled. Vanessa is dressed in a orange blouse with jeans, and triangle gold earrings on as she looks up from her clipboard.<em>

"...and if it happens again, I'll put a lock on it so no-one can enjoy it." Vanessa says, frowns at Deadpool. The group mimic her too, as Deadpool shrinks itno his seat. Vanessa looks at her clipboard. "Oh!" sad tone. "I'm afraid I have some depressing news..."

Tony laughs. "Item six wasn't tragic?"

Vanessa snarls at him. "Zip It, Count Drunkula!"

"Hehe. Whatever." Tony rolls his eyes. Sipping from gin glass.

_Vanessa sneers at him and turns to the others fliping over papers._

"After Falcon was brainwashed by the Red Skull. We seem to be below our usual Diversity quota." Vanessa admits, with a nervous bite of her lip.

"Hold it." Janet raises her hand. "When did Falcon get brainwashed?"

"You mean he's defected!" Hank panics.

***Cutaway Scene***

_Redskull is shown to be standing in a room, his arms crossed as he gazes at something offscreen._

"So, did you enjoy the many, many hand-jobs, blow-jobs and riding's from our Lady Viper?" Redskull inquires.

_Red Falcon is shown naked on a bed, next to him under the blankets is Madame Hydra._

"Yes. But..." Pulls sheet over himself. "Did you have to be in the room during the Screwing?"

*Back to Present*

_Vanessa is making a grimacing face having seen the flashback, but no one else did, so their trying to figure out how Red Falcon was brainwashed._

Thor stands up dramatically, holding his hammer Mjölnir

"Zoinds! How didith our Companion be lured away!"

"Dude." Goes Deadpool. "Didn't you see the flashback?"

The others gape at Deadpool in confusion, before turning to Vanessa.

"Don't ask." Vanessa holds up her hand. _Shaking her head, she looks back at her clipboard, sitting backwards and hovering in the air_. "Any who, for The Avengers to continue enjoying Title 6 tax incentives, we have to meet certain...diversity requirements."

"I think we're pretty Diverse." Hank defends.

"Maybe." Shifting in her seat.

Tony looks up from his seat at her. "What...you're black...ish."

_The room instantly buzzes with tension and static electricity. As Storm whips her head toward Stark, floating in the air with the wind picking, her eyes turnign whte and voice booming._

"**Ish**!" She screams incredulous.

Tony throws up his hands in defense. "Well, what's the word for it, Ororo!" Stands up looking left and right. "You freaked out when I said _quadroon_!"

"Imagine that!" Is storms Sarcastic reply.

"You imagine it!" Tony snaps back.

A bolt of purple lighting encases them both in bubbles, seperating the two Heroes, with Vanessa glaring at them with her eyes glowing purple.

"**_BOTH OF YOU IMAGINE SHUTTING UP_**!"

* * *

><p>*<em>In the Stately Office of Miss Masters head of G-Force is Tony Stark. Sitting in front of Miss Masters Desk, said woman wearing a green silk shawl and sundress underneath<em>.*

"So I get to go to the French Riviera on your dime to do what exactly?" Tony asks.

_Vanessa shows a computer screen, with an image of Wilson Fisk, sunning himself on a luxury yacht._

_"_Locate a stolen shipment of red-eye missiles and kill the arms dealer trying to sell them. Wilson "Kingpin" Fisk." Vanessa says, enhancing the image of Fisk on the screen.

"What, is diabetes busy?" _Tony says, mocking the fat Kingpin of crime._

_Vanessa frowns, pointing at Tony meaningful_. "Don't underestimate Fisk, there's a reason the bounty on him is so high.

Tony leans forward in his chair. "Like, high enough to re-do my kitchen?"

_Vanessa sighs disgusted, pouring herself a glass of Sierra Mist, before frowning at Stark with deep disapointment._

"Uhgh, what did I tell you?"

"That Saltillo tile's terrible for a kitchen because it's so porous." Sighs, Tony.

"And Mexican Whore-housey!" She leans back with a smirk. "So, I'm sure your cook feels at home."

_Tony stands up defending his poor Mexican Who..I mean Cook._

"Hey, Pita isn't a Whore!" Tony shouts.

"Not until you got a hold of her." Vanessa frowns.

"Okay." Tony sits back down. "First of all.."

"Oh, shut up!" _Vanessa snaps, shutting off the screen_. "The bounty on Fisk is more than enough for a new kitchen."

_Tony pouts at the implication of Pita's_ "Overtime" _but perks up hearing the bounty part_.

"I also have the nook, though, so.."

"And the rest you can set aside for Pita's inevitable.." _She pauses and twirls aglass of sierra mist, before smirking patronizing_ "Medical expenses?"

Tony throws up his hands in frustration. "Uh, like one time that happened!"

**Flashback to Tony's Penthouse**  
>(<em>Stark is reading in bed. Pita is in the doorway only in shirt and underwear<em>)

**Tony**: Uh, it's pretty late so, uh, why don't you take a cab?

**Pita**: Mister Stark, I have problem. *_Holds up Positive Pregnancy Test_*

**Tony**: *_sighs_* I'll pay for it.

**Flashback to another time at Stark's Penthouse**

**Pita**: (_vomits_) Huuwaaah!

**Tony**: Again? Seriously, Pita. *_holds up birth control package shaking it meaningfully_*

**Flashback to yet another time at Stark's Penthouse**

(_Tony is having dinner with Felica Hardy. Pita is serving dinner and opens a plate dome, to reveal a box for a pregnancy test_)

**Tony**: You're killing me here. Again? (_to a frowning Felicia_) This was, uh, supposed to be coconut shrimp.

_(Felicia grabs the dome and slams it down on Stark's head.)_

**Back to the office**

"One.. three times! But it's the Pope's fault she won't let me wear a condom."

_Vanessa stands up from her chair, glowering at Tony with sharp violet eyes._

"Why don't you wear a vasectomy!" Vanessa scold.

_Tony throws back his head with a sigh._ "This again? Don't you want to be a Aunt?"

"Well if I did, I'd just scrape together all your previous mishaps into a big pile and knit a onesie for it." She sneers.

_A long pause as Tony gapes at her in utter shock at her words_.

"Jesus Christ!"

"Sorry, I've been fasting, and I'm edgy." Vanessa dmits with a downcast expression.

"Still, though." Tony starts.

_Vanessa shakes her head and slams her hands onto table frowning at the Iron Man creator._

"**STARK**!"

_Tony throws up his hands in defense_. "Okay, if there's money left after the kitchen, then vasectomy, maybe."

_Vanessa looks shocked, as she falls back into her chair_

"So, you do want the assignment?" She states cautiously.

Tony blinkls surprised. "What?" _Frowns sitting upright. "_Yeah, I want it!"

"You really, really, really want it?" Vanessa says, a pleased smile at the control she now has over Tony.

_Said man rolls his eyes at her Catty Grin._

"Yes, I really want it."

_A triumphant smirk appears on her lips, as she leans back comfortably in her chair_.

"Well, too bad, because guess what?" Vanessa points at the door.

_Black Widow then enters prepped for a mission and holding a suitcase._

"Wah, wah!" Natasha mocks.

"What!" _Tony points at Black Widow incredulous._ "Why does she get the mission?"

"Because I said so." _Vanessa pulls up from her chair and plops three suitcases, onto her desk_. "Either way, we have a plane to catch."

_Again incredulous_.

"We? Why are you going?"

"I'm going to, um, a conference?" V, says shifty eyed.

_Tony rolls his eyes, waving his hands in a showy sarcastic manner_.

"Oh, well, isn't that convenient!"

"If you think that's convenient, wait till you see **MY** new kitchen." Natasha sneers.

"HA!...Seriously, though, you should look through some of her design catalogs." Vanessa suggests.

* * *

><p><em><strong>What do you think? Please leave review's but no Flaming, otherwise you will be PWND.<strong>_


	4. Chapter 4

_**This is a Joint thing done by Tomas The Betrayer and Moi. **_

_**No Copyright. **_

_**Characters property of Marvel and Stan Lee.**_

_**This one is done by Tomas the Betrayer.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Captain America, having overcome the shades of his WWII comrades in Nifelheim,<br>now stood before the mistress of that dark realm, the beautiful yet imposing  
>goddess Hela. "You are in Nifelheim, Steve Rogers," the green-clad goddess<br>purred. "There is no escape!"  
>He glanced over at the enormous Hell-hound Garm crouched at her feet, then<br>raised his chin resolutely. "Well then, lady," the ageless soldier stated,  
>"We're in for a long night!"<br>In response, Hela's eyes narrowed dangerously.**

Prior to the final battle against Loki, the gathered Avengers, including Wasp,  
>Ant Man, and Iron Man were congregated with their otherworldly allies upon the<br>Bifrost Bridge. There Tony Stark revealed his trump card to help them triumph  
>against the all-powerful Trickster God: his inexplicable association with the<br>Sorceress Supreme, Vanessa Masters.  
>However, in addition to a healthy interest in organizing superhero teams, it<br>turned out the magical maven and Tony shared one other hobby: social drinking.

Miss Masters took a long swallow from a martini glass then peered with glazed  
>eyes and glowing features at the army around her. "So, Anthony, what are<br>you..." She hiccupped, in doing so causing what looked to be a giant two-headed  
>orange cougar with wings to appear out of nowhere. Henry and Janet exchanged<br>uneasy glances. The composite beast went flapping off. Vanessa watched it go  
>with a certain measure of detachment, then turned a great big smile back on<br>them. "What are you doing here? Thought you hated magic."

"Never mind that, Vanessa," Tony waved a hand irritably. "We're about to go up  
>against basically an entire pantheon of evil monsters and the omnipotent<br>maniac leading them. To do that we need your help! I can't stress the utmost  
>peril and seriousness of this venture to you!"<p>

At that moment a glowing portal opened up near them. The Avengers tensed in  
>preparation for battle, but were shocked when out stepped Captain America. He<br>had his shirt off, his chest oiled, and one arm draped around the shoulders of  
>a blushing Hela.<p>

Vanessa Masters raised her drink in tipsy greeting. "Hey, H!"

"Good day, V," Hela dipped her head politely.

"Hello, everyone." Cap greeted them cheerfully. While the Avengers stared he  
>then took the death goddess in his arms and the two of them shared a<br>smoldering kiss that left Wasp and Ant Man smiling and Tony gaping in absolute  
>disbelief. When they broke off he brushed a finger beneath her chin and said,<br>"Wish me luck, gorgeous."

Hela traced a finger over his gleaming pectorals. "I hope you die," she sighed  
>in a manner eerily reminiscent of a lovesick schoolgirl.<p>

She gave him a last  
>longing look before stepping back through the portal. Cap then turned and<br>grinned at them all. "Lovely girl," he affirmed.

Masters cocked her head with a smile. "Figures a guy who was dead for fifty  
>years would rock her socks. She always did have weird tastes."<p>

At this point Tony seemed to regain his senses. "W... WAIT A MINUTE!" he  
>exclaimed furiously. "You're telling me while we were dodging giant wolves,<br>vicious frost giants and boiling lava, you were getting your rocks off with  
>the hot nightmare babe in spandex?"<p>

Wasp giggled and hugged Hank. "Well, I think it's sweet."

Stark was sputtering and shaking. "But... BUT WE ALMOST DIED! Me in  
>particular, there... there was a troll, a big ugly troll, and he was wailing<br>on me like a chimp with a melon, and... and I pried my chest-plate off with a  
>knife... white light... heart condition... floating over my body and<br>then...!"

Cap simply shrugged. "I told you the old ways worked the best. What, you think  
>I just punched my way through every problem?"<p>

Vanessa Masters looked around and gave a satisfied nod. "Well, I don't think  
>you folks need my help. Later, peeps!" With that she disappeared in a flash of<br>purple light.

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><p><em><strong>What do you think? Please leave review's but no Flaming, otherwise you will be PWND.<strong>_


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